The baggy yellow shirt had long sleeves, four extra-large pockets trimmed in
black thread, and snaps up the front. It was faded from years of wear, but
still in decent shape. I found it in 1963 when I was home from college on
break, rummaging through bags of clothes Mom intended to give away.
You're not taking that old thing, are you?" Mom said when she saw me packing
the yellow shirt. "I wore that when I was pregnant with your brother in
1954!"
"It's just the thing to wear over my clothes during art class, Mom. Thanks!"
I slipped it into my suitcase before she could object.
The yellow shirt became a part of my college wardrobe. I loved it. After
graduation, I wore the shirt the day I moved into my new apartment and on
days when I cleaned.
The next year, I married. When I became pregnant, I wore the yellow shirt
during big-belly days. I missed Mom and the rest of my family, since we
were in Colorado and they were in Illinois. But that shirt helped. I
smiled, remembering that Mother had worn it when she was pregnant, 15 years
earlier.
One day, mindful of the warm feelings the shirt had given me, I patched one
elbow, wrapped it in pretty paper and sent it with other gifts to Mom.
When Mom wrote to thank me for her "real" gifts, she said the yellow shirt
was lovely. She never mentioned it again.
The next year, my husband, daughter and I stopped by Mom and Dad's to pick
up some furniture. Days later, when we uncrated the kitchen table, I
noticed something yellow taped to its bottom. The shirt!
And so the pattern was set. On our next visit home, I secretly placed the
shirt under Mom and Dad's mattress. I don't know how long it took for her
to find it, but almost two years passed before I discovered in under the
base of our living-room floor lamp. The yellow shirt was just what I needed
now while refinishing furniture. The walnut stains added character.
In 1975 my husband and I divorced. With three children, I prepared to move
back to Illinois. As I packed, a deep depression overtook me. I wondered
if I could make it on my own. I wondered if I would find a job. I paged
through the Bible, looking for comfort. In Ephesians, I read, "...be strong
in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God,
that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil."
I tried to picture myself wearing God's armor, but all I saw was the stained
yellow shirt. Slowly, it dawned on me. Wasn't my mother's love a piece of
God's armor? My courage was renewed.
Unpacking in our new home, I knew I had to get the shirt back to Mother.
The next time I visited her, I tucked it in her bottom dresser drawer.
Meanwhile, I found a good job at a radio station.
A year later I discovered the yellow shirt hidden in a rag bag in my
cleaning closet. Something new had been added. Embroidered in bright green
across the breast pocket were the words "I BELONG TO PAT." Not to be
outdone, I got out my own embroidery materials and added an apostrophe and
seven more letters. Now the shirt proudly proclaimed, "I BELONG TO PAT'S
MOTHER."
But I didn't stop there. I zigzagged all the frayed seams, then had a
friend mail the shirt in a fancy box to Mom from Arlington, VA. We enclosed
an official-looking letter from "The Institute for the Destitute,"
announcing that she was the recipient of an award for good deeds. I would
have given anything to see Mom's face when she opened the box.
But, of course, she never mentioned it. Two years later, in 1978, after a
visit from Mother, I reached for a pillow to rest my head. It felt lumpy.
I unzipped the case and found, wrapped in paper, the yellow shirt. Inside a
pocket was a note: "Read John 14:27-29. I love you, Mother."
I paged through the Bible and found the verses: "Peace I leave with you, my
peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not
your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. Ye have heard how I said
unto you, I go away, and come again unto you. If ye loved me, ye would
rejoice, because I said, I go unto the Father: for my Father is greater than
I. And now I have told you before it come to pass, that, when it is come to
pass, ye might believe."
The shirt was Mother's final gift. She had known for three months that she
had terminal Lou Gehrig's disease. Mother died the following year at age
57.
I was tempted to send the yellow shirt with her to her grave. But I'm glad
I didn't, because it is a vivid reminder of the love-filled game she and I
played for 16 years. Besides, my older daughter is in college now, majoring
in art. And every art student needs a baggy yellow shirt with big pockets.