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Christmas Day Jokes
December 25, 2001

Top Ten - Holiday Gifts Top 10 things to say about a holiday gift you don't like: 10) Hey! There's a gift. 9.) Well, well, well... 8.) Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes, that would've fit. 7.) Perfect for wearing in the basement. 6.) Wow, I hope this never catches fire! 5.) If the dog buries it, I'll be furious! 4.) I Love it, but I fear the jealousy it will inspire. 3.) Sadly, tomorrow I enter the federal witness protection program. 2.) To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity. 1.) I really don't deserve this. 'Twas the Night of Christmas 'Twas the night of Christmas, But I just couldn't sleep. I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep The leftovers beckoned The dark meat and white, But I fought the temptation with all of my might. Tossing and turning with anticipation, The thought of a snack became infatuation! So I raced to the kitchen, Flung open the door, And gazed at the fridge full of goodies galore. I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes, Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes. I felt myself swelling so plump and so round, Till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground!! I crashed through the ceiling, floated into the sky With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie, But I managed to yell as I soared past the trees ... HAPPY EATING TO ALL, PASS THE CRANBERRIES PLEASE!!