Y2K Backup System
December 21, 1999
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While we believe we will be fully Y2K compliant by January 1, 2000, and most of our subsidiary units and contractors claim they will also be fully compliant, we obviously need to make some preparations in case unexpected challenges impair our ability to meet the needs of our customers. Enclosed with this memo is a "Y2K Backup System" device designed to meet short time emergency needs in case of a computer operations failure, or operational delay. This device is the company's Primary Emergency Network Computer Interface Liaison device (P.E.N.C.I.L.). This device has been field tested extensively, including certification testing, as well as volume and stress testing. Properly maintained, the device meets all the requirements for coding and data input. Prior to use, the P.E.N.C.I.L. will require preparation and testing. Tools and supplies required will be: A sharpened knife or grinding device; and a supply of computer paper (with or without holes). Gripping the device firmly in your hand, proceed to scrape or grind the wooded end until it has a cone-like appearance. The dark core area must be exposed to properly function. Place a single sheet of computer paper on a smooth, hard surface. Take the backup device, place the sharpened point against the paper, and pull it across the paper. If properly done, this will input a single line. CAUTION: Proper use of the device will require data simulation input by the operator. Place the device against the computer page and form symbols as closely resembling the computer lettering system you normally use. At the completion of each of the simulated letters, lift the device off the page, move it slightly to the right, replace it against the page, and form the next symbol. This may appear tedious, and somewhat redundant, but, with practice, you should be able to increase your speed and accuracy. The P.E.N.C.I.L. is equipped with a manual deletion device. The device is located on the reverse end of the P.E.N.C.I.L. Error deletions operate similarly to the "backspace" key on your computer. Simply place the device against the erroneous data, and pull it backwards over the letters. This should remove the error, and enable you to resume data entries. CAUTION: However, if technical support is required, you can still call your local computer desk supervisor at (800)-YOU-GOOBER.
It's Another Miracle Two men get into a terrible car accident. Both cars are totaled, but amazingly, neither man is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, one man says to the other "There's nothing left of our cars, but at least we weren't injured. This must be a sign from god that we were meant to meet, be friends, and live together in peace the rest of our lives." The other man replies, "I totally agree with you. This must be a sign from God." "And look at this," continues the first man, "It's another miracle. My car was completely destroyed but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink the wine to celebrate our good fortune!" He hands the bottle to the other man, who promptly takes a few big gulps and hands the bottle back. The man takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on. The other man asks, "Aren't you going to have a drink?" "No, I think I'll wait for the police to join us," the man said. How Much??? A priest, minister and rabbi were playing their usual Wednesday round of golf, and started discussing their weekly collections. Specifically, they started to compare how they decided what portion of the collection to keep for themselves and what portion to give to the Lord. The priest explains, "I draw a circle around myself and toss the money in the air. Whatever lands in the circle I keep for myself. What ever lands outside the circle, I give to God." The minister says, "Yes, I use a similar method, except that whatever lands inside the circle I give to God, and whatever lands outside the circle I keep for my personal needs." The rabbi then proclaims, "Brothers we are in agreement! I use the same method, as well. Except, that when I toss the money in the air, and I figure that whatever God wants He can keep..."
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