A Day Off / Proverbs
December 31, 2000
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A Day Off Employee: Boss can I have the day off tomorrow? Boss: So you want a day off. New Year's eve, huh? Let's take a look at what you are asking for: There are 365 days per year available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away fron work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are going to take that day off!
Proverbs for a New Century If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic. Mental Floss prevents moral decay! Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. A closed mouth gathers no feet. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. In the 20th Century no husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes. There are three kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead. Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change ready. Be nice to your kids . . . they'll be the ones choosing your nursing home. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. There can't be a crisis today, my schedule is already full. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. Did you ever stop to think . . . and forget to start again? A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking. I don't have a solution, but I admire the problem. If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished! Diplomacy is the art of letting someone have your way. It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
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