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The Perks of Being Over 40
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the
room.
15. You sing along with elevator music.
16. Your eyes won't get much worse.
17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national
weather
service.
19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember
them
either.
20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
21. You can't remember who sent you this list.
Nursing Home Games
1. Sag, You're it.
2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket.
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Doc Goose.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Hide and go pee.
9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta.
10. Musical recliners.
Signs of Wear
"OLD" IS WHEN... Your friends compliment You on your new alligator shoes
and
you're barefoot.
"OLD" IS WHEN... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love, and
you
answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"
"OLD" IS WHEN... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
"OLD" IS WHEN... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as
you
don't have to go along.
"OLD" IS WHEN... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of
by
the police.
"OLD" IS WHEN... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any
fiber today.
"OLD" IS WHEN... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking
lot.
"OLD" IS WHEN... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.
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