---

---

A Woman's View

A WOMAN definitely wrote these...Sorry guys What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough. Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract. How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work. How do men define a "50/50" relationship? We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle. How do men exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a woman in a bikini. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes. (OH YUCK!!) How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? ONE...............He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him. What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant? Any place without a drive-up window. What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted. What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women? Exchange him. What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it. What's a mans' idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups? Put the remote control between his toes. What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man? Big Foot's been spotted several times. What's the smartest thing a man can say? "My wife says..." Why did God create man before woman? Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece. Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts. Why do jocks play on artificial turf? To keep them from grazing. ( HAHAHA!HAHAHA!) Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened. Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Because not one will stop and ask for directions. Why is it good that there are female astronauts? When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women? When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.