A Bunch of Church Laughs
August 29, 2001
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Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed:
"The Gate of Heaven." Below that was a small cardboard sign which read: "Please use other entrance."
The Rev. Warren J. Keating, pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of Yuma, Ariz., says that the best prayer he ever heard was: "Lord, please make me the kind of person my dog thinks I am."
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A young girl answered: "Because they couldn't get a baby sitter."
A woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. "What denomination?" asked the clerk. "Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman. "Well, give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic ones."
Pastor: "This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward and lay an egg on the altar."
During a children's sermon, the Rev. Larry Eisenberg asked the children what "Amen" means. A little boy raised his hand and said: "It means - 'Tha-tha-tha-that's all folks!' "
I was at the beach with my children when my 4-year-old son ran up to me, grabbed my hand, and led me to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead in the sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked. "He died and went to heaven," I replied. My son thought a moment and then said, "And God threw him back down?"
My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our 6-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" I wouldn't know what to say," she replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," my wife said. Our daughter bowed her head and said: "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
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