Church Humor 1
February 11, 2001
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Whatever Works Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year-old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, 'If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!' It worked."
Kids get it wrong - sometimes rightl Our pastor was making a visit to my nephew's home. Knocked on the door, and the little 4-year-old boy went to the door and saw the pastor. He called to his dad, "Hey, Dad! That guy that works for God is here!"
My 2 1/2-year-old niece, Kelli, went with her neighbor girl to church for First Communion practice. The pastor has the children cup their hands, and when he gives them the Host-in this case, a piece of bread- he says: "God be with you." Apparently this made quite an impression on my niece. She came home and told her mother to cup her hands and bend down. Kelli took a piece of bread from her sandwich, placed it in her mother's hands, and whispered, in her most angelic voice: "God will get you."
We set out our creche for the holidays, and my 5-year-old daughter, Laura, was watching me put all of the figurines in it- especially baby Jesus. I explained what a manger was-that they didn't have a crib for him, so they had to lay a blanket on the hay and put him there. She thought about that for a minute, and then she looked at me and said, "Mom, did they have to use a manger for his car seat, too?"
My boss' son is five years old. He attended his first funeral with his family. I saw him on Sunday and asked him what he thought of it. His answer, "She was already dead when we got there."
I read your story about the small child saying, "Night-night" to a body at the funeral home. It reminded me of our small daughter. We took her to view her great-grandmother, and she asked, "Why did they put Great-grandma in a jewelry box?"
I took Allison to the doctor for her 2-year-old check. They had her do coordination tests, like stacking blocks, and they watch and see if they walk properly. And then the doctor said, "Allison, can you stand on one foot for me?" And she walked over and stood on his foot.
My son has a pet iguana, and he took it to school to show some of the other kids. If you've ever seen an iguana, they have a large flap of skin that hangs down from their neck, and it's called dewlap. The kids were asking what it was, and he explained, and a little girl in his class said, "Oh! My grandma has one of those."
I was casting kids in our church for our annual Christmas play, and I was giving out choices, such as Shepherd, Lamb, Villager. One 5-year-old couldn't decide, so I said, "Luke, you can be a Villager." He said, "OK," and ran over to his parents. Very excited, he said to them, "Guess what! I get to be a mini-van!"
I have two sons, ages 8 & 4, and they were discussing Adam and Eve. The 8-year-old asked: "How did Adam and Eve die?" And the 4-year-old said: "They ate bad fruit."
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