You Might be a Country Church if........
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1. The doors are never locked 2. The call to worship is "Y'all come on in" 3. People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the Ark. 4. The Preacher says "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering, " and five guys stand up. 5. The restrooms are outside. 6. Opening day of deer hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday. 7. A member requests to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because "I ain't ever been in a hole it couldn't get me out of" 8. In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of two calves. 9. Never in its entire 100 year history has one of its pastors had to buy any meat or vegetables during the summer 10. When it rains, everybody's smiling 11. Prayers regarding the weather are a standard part of every worship service. 12. A singing group is known as the "OK Chorale" 13. The church directory doesn't have last names - everybody already knows them all 14. The pastor wears boots. 15. Four generations of one family sit together in worship every Sunday 16. The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer, and then only so their neighbors can't leave them a bag of squash. 17. There is no such thing as a "secret" sin 18. Baptism is referred to as "Branding" 19. There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank 20. You miss worship one Sunday morning and by 2 O'clock that afternoon you have had a dozen calls inquiring about your health 21. High notes on the organ set dogs in the parking lot to howling. 22. People wonder when Jesus fed the 5,000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish. 23. People think "Rapture" is what happens when you lift something too heavy. 24. The cemetery is in such barren ground that people are buried with a sack of fertilizer to help them rise on Judgment Day. 25. It's not heaven, but you can see it from there 26. The final words of the benediction are "Y'all come backnow, ya hear?"
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