Happy Dad's Day!...Dads
June 18, 2000
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Daddy's a Doctor Five year old Becky answered the door when the Census taker came by. She told the Census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn't home, because he was performing an appendectomy. "My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?" "Sure! Fifteen hundred bucks, and that doesn't even include the anaesthesiologist!"
TESTING DAD'S PATIENCE Joey walked into his dad's study while his dad was working on the computer. "Dad," said Joey, "Remember when you told me you'd give me twenty dollars if I passed my math test?" Dad nodded. "Well," said Joey, "The good news is that I just saved you twenty bucks."
Dad Pays the Bills A father worked as an accountant for the Air National Guard. Despite a regular adequate income he had a "poor" mindset, always unhappy about money matters and very vocal about it. One year at an air show, in a crowd of many close-by people, his daughter looked up at him and said, "Dad, what do you do out here?" He answered with a smile, "I pay the bills." She looked at him in obvious dismay, looked around, looked back at him, and announced (to the delight of all around), "No wonder we're so poor!"
Dad's Advice From a San Diego Father who has identified 35 truths he learned from his children: 1. There is no such thing as childproofing your house. 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3. A 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a Superman cape. 5. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20' room. 6. Baseballs make marks on ceilings. 7. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up several times before you get a hit. 8. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. 9. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long ways. 10. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. 11. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh- oh", it is already too late. 12. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke-------- --lots of it. 13. A 6 year-old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 60-year old man says it can only be done in the movies. 14. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day. 15. If you use a waterbed as a home plate while wearing baseball shoes, it does not leak. It explodes. 16. A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. ft house almost 4 inches deep. 17. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old. 18. Duplos will not. 19. Play-Doh and microwave ovens should never be used in the same sentence. 20. Super Glue is forever. 21. MacGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know. 22. So can Tarzan. 23. No matter how much Jell-O you put in the pool, you still can't walk on water. 24. Pool filters do not like Jell-O. 25. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do. 26. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 27. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. 28. You probably don't want to know what that odor is. 29. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. 30. Plastic toys do not like ovens. 31. The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5-minute response. 32. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. 33. It will, however, make cats dizzy. 34. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. 35. A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life. (....unfortunately, mostly in retrospect)
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