Diary of a House Husband
June 27, 2001
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1). Make the beds ...... What a waste of effort, we're only going to
sleep in them again tonight. Forget that. Scratch one. 2). Pick up dog poop in yard ....... It snowed last night, I don't see any dog poop. Kids, do you see any dog poop? Scratch two. 3). Drop your shirts off at the cleaners ....... Duhh ... I'm on vacation, I don't need them. Scratch three. This is easy, what's the fuss? Think I'll go on the computer for a while. 4). Clean out Tupperware cabinet ....... Uhhhh, that's a hard one. GOT IT, velcro on the door will keep them closed. Scratch four. 5). Mop kitchen floor ..... The dog licked up that sugar spill from breakfast, floor looks clean to me. Scratch five. Good doggie, go play in the yard. She just loves rolling in the snow. 6). Find something fun for the kids to do ..... That tinfoil in the microwave thing was kinda fun. Scratch six. This is way too easy. I'll have lots of time for the computer. 7). Vacuum the carpets ...... That's a hard one ... Hey kids, wanna have some more FUN? Scratch seven. 8). Feed kids lunch ..... Hey kids, don't you have a friend's house to go to? YESSSS! Scratch eight!! 9). Clean out hallway closet ...... Hmmmm ... another hard one. That's it, take enough out of the closet to close the door. Outta sight, outta mind. Hmmmm ... this other stuff can go under a bed. Scratch nine. Boy oh boy am I good. Lunch time. Pour some chili into the cracker bag & eat. Taaa daaa, no lunch dishes. 10). Do laundry ..... no problem. I can do that while I'm on the computer. Scratch ten. 11). Fold laundry ..... Wow! Ya know, I never noticed how many pink things this family actually wears. Gonna have to ask da little lady why she buys me pale pink underwear?? Check this out -- a cashmere Barbie sweater, cool. Scratch eleven. 12) Put the laundry away .... Baskets in bedrooms work for me. Scratch twelve. This is way too easy. Wonder why women always complain about housework? 13). Water the plants... Ooooops, good thing the carpet is absorbent. Scratch thirteen. 14). Grocery shopping. Buy toilet paper ....... These old newspapers will do, besides, that's recycling & that's good for the earth ... Scratch fourteen. 15). Pick up the kids ...... Yeah, right; we're talking about my kids here. Parents will normally pay to drop them back off. They'll be back. Scratch fifteen. Wonder who's on the computer. I have plenty of time. 16). Make dinner ..... Easy. "Hello, do you deliver? Uhhh, double that. Ya know, we will need more dinner tomorrow." Scratch sixteen. 17). Clean out the dog house ...... Duhh, the dog sleeps in our bed. Like that needs to be done. Scratch seventeen. WOW all done. Still time for some more 'puter and a nap ... Man, this is sooooo easy.
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