Fun With Lawyers
August 15, 2000
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Signs you need a new lawyer 1. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. 2. He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser." 3. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other. 4. He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose." 5. During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy. 6. A prison guard is shaving your head. 7. He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table. 8. He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said ..." 9. He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra. 10. Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers. 11. The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM." 12. Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever." 13. Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"
BLIND JUSTICE A young boy walked up to his father and asked, "Dad, does a lawyer ever tell the truth?" The father thought for a moment. "Yes, son. Sometimes a lawyer will do anything to win a case."
WRONG ARM OF THE LAW A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
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