Four ways to get rid of your pastor.
January 9, 2000
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Four ways to get rid of your pastor. Look him straight in the eye as he is preaching and respond with gratitude and he will preach himself to death in a few weeks. Tell him specific changes that are taking place in your heart or life as a result of his preaching or teaching and he will work himself to death in a matter of months. Dedicate yourself to the work of the ministry, get personally involved in some phase of the work and encourage other people to do the same so he doesn't have to, and he will die of a heart-attack right away. Get on your knees every week, get your church to unite in prayer for him, and soon he will become so effective that some other place will just take him off of your hands.
How to make life simpler Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know. Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb. Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected). Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
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