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GETTING OLDER
Thanks to Jenni for this one!...
August 8, 2000

You can eat dinner at 4:00 p.m.

* Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

* Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

* It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.

* If you've never smoked, you can start now and it won't have time to hurt you.

* People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

* Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

* Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

* Your eyes won't get much worse.

* Things you buy now won't wear out.

* No one expects you to run into a burning building.

* There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

* Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

* In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

BUT, WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

* You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

* You can live without sex but not without glasses.

* Your back goes out more than you do.

* You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

* You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

* You sing along with the elevator music.

* You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

* You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

* You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

* You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

* People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

* You send money to PBS.

* The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

* You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

* Your ears are hairier than your head.

* You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

* You got cable for the weather channel. ("Old Folks MTV").

* You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

Where do you want to go today?

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