BENEFITS OF GROWING OLDER
March 5, 2001
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1. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 2. People call at 9 P.M. and ask, "Did I wake you?" 3. You can eat dinner at 4:00 PM. 4. You can live without sex but not without glasses. 5. You get into a heated argument about pension plans. 6. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. 7. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks in the room. 8. You sing along with the elevator music. 9. Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service. 10. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. 11. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size. 12. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 13. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. 14. It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick. 15. If you've never smoked, you can start now and it won't have time to hurt you. 16. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. 18. Your eyes won't get much worse. 19.,Things you buy now won't wear out. 20. No one expects you to run into a burning building. 21. There's nothing left to learn the hard way. BUT, WAIT, YOU'LL KNOW YOU"RE THERE WHEN... 22. You got cable for the weather channel. ("Old Folks MTV"). 23. You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead. 24. Your back goes out more than you do. 25. You buy a compass for the dash of your car. 26.,You sing along with the elevator music. 27. You constantly talk about the price of gasoline. 28. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations. 29. You consider coffee one of the most important things in life. 30. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 31. You send money to PBS. 32. The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants. 33. You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television. 34. Your ears are hairier than your head.
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