Happy Mothers Day....MOM

"If you want your children to listen to you, try talking softly to someone else." - Unkown

What Moms REALLY want for Mother's Day

10) To be able to eat a whole candy bar by herself, and drink glass of Coke without any "floaters"

9) To have my 14 year old answer a question without rolling her eyes in that "Why is this person my mother?" way.

8) Five pounds of chocolate that won't add twenty.

7) A shower, without a child peeking through the curtain with a "Hiya, Mom" just as I put razor to my ankle.

6) A full-time cleaning person, who looks like Brad Pitt.

5) For my teenager to announce, "Hey, Mom! I got a full scholarship and a job all in the same day!"

4) A grocery store that doesn't have candy/gum/cheap toys displayed at the checkout line.

3) To have a family meal without a discussion about bodily secretions.

2) To be able to sit down on a plane with my toddlers and not have some pencil-neck-yuppie moan, "Ohhh, nooo! Why me?"

1) Four words: Fisher Price Play Prison.

THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME

My Mother taught me LOGIC...

"If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."

My Mother taught me MEDICINE...

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes,they're going to freeze that way."

My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD...

"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"

My Mother taught me ESP...

"Put your sweater on; don't you think thatI know when you're cold?"

My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE...

"What were you thinking?
Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"

My Mother taught me HUMOR...

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.

"My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.

My mother taught me ABOUT SEX...

"How do you think you got here?"

My mother taught me about GENETICS...

"You are just like your father!"

My mother taught me about my ROOTS...

"Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE...

"When you get to be my age, you will understand."

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...

"Just wait until your father gets home.

"My mother taught me about RECEIVING...

You are going to get it when we get home.

And my all time favorite thing- JUSTICE

"One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU..then you'll see what it's like."

Where do you want to go today?

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