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Signs Found in the Kitchen
October 14, 2000

So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust! Martha Stewart doesn't live here!! Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself! I clean house every other day. Today is the other day. If you write in the dust, please don't date it! I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener! My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it! I came, I saw, I decided to order take out. If you don't like my standards of cooking ...lower your standards. Although you'll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down, converse. It doesn't always look like this: Some days it's even worse. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand! Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives. My next house will have no kitchen ... just vending machines. I'd live life in the fast lane, but I am married to a speed bump. Count Your Blessings So, you think a gallon of gasoline is expensive, huh?? Diet Snapple 16oz for $1.29 = $10.32 per gallon Lipton Ice Tea 16oz for $1.19 = $ 9.52 per gallon Gatorade 20oz for $1.59 = $ 10.17 per gallon Ocean Spray 16oz for $1.25 = $ 10.00 per gallon STP Brake Fluid 12oz for $3.15 = $ 33.60 per gallon Vick's Nyquil 6oz for $8.35 = $ 178.13 per gallon Pepto Bismol 4oz for $3.85 = $123.20 per gallon Whiteout 7oz for $1.39 = $25.42 per gallon Scope 1.5oz for $0.99 = $ 84.48 per gallon And this is the REAL KICKER...... Evian water 9oz for $1.49 = $ 21.19 per gallon ......$21.19 FOR WATER!! So next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on Nyquil, or Scope, or Whiteout!