LAWYER FUN
April 9, 2000
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Strange Bedfellows Sent in by Peggy R....thanks A Buddhist, a Hindu, and a lawyer all found themselves stranded out in a rural, pastoral region. Since nightfall was upon them, they began searching for some place to sleep. They soon came upon a farmer's house and asked if he'd be so kind to let them lodge there for the night. The farmer agreed but said that since his home would only accommodate two of the three, one would have to stay in the barn. The Buddhist, being very humble, volunteers to take the barn. A few minutes later, the Buddhist comes knocking at the farmers door. The Buddhist explains that he cannot stay there because there's a cow in the barn and it is against his religion to sleep so near to a cow. So the Hindu, hearing this conversation, volunteers to stay in the barn. Well, in a couple more minutes the Hindu comes back explaining that he can no longer stay in the barn because there's a pig in the barn and it is against his religion to sleep in the presence of a pig. So the lawyer, hearing all of this, volunteers to stay in the barn. A couple more minutes pass and the farmer hears a knock at the door. Standing at the door is the cow and the pig.
The Smartest Man A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and then he bailed out. Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out. The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live." He also grabbed a parachute and jumped. The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace." The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."
OFFEND YOUR HONOR A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was saying to his lawyer, "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined." "It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer. "Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?" asked the defendant. "Oh no!" said the lawyer. "This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even find you in contempt of the court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge." Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked." "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them," said the lawyer. "But I did send them," said the defendant. "What?? You did?" "Yes, That's how we won the case." "I don't understand," said the lawyer. "It's easy. I sent the cheapest cigars that I could find to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff's business card..."
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