Marriage Funnies
January 16, 2000
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A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you
your fortune
and weight and dropped in a coin. "Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover." "Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."
A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all; and all of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea." The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake?"
One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared. "I'll grant you your fondest wish," the genie said. The man thought for a moment, then said, "I want a spectacular job -- a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever attempted to do." "Poof!" said the genie. "You're a housewife."
Still Together An elderly couple, Minnie and Max, sit down to their Anniversary dinner. Before eating, his wife speaks up. "Can I ask you a question, Max?" "Sure Minnie," Max says, waiting to dig into his meal. "Has our 50 years of marriage made you grateful?" "Yes, indeed!" Max replied. "For the twenty years I was a bachelor!" |
