MOMS DICTIONARY
July 26, 2000
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AMNESIA: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to make love again. DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster. FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots. FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him. GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right. HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word. IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid. INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say. OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings. PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it. SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours. STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it. TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas. TWO MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises. WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house.
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