Monday Fun 3
July 3, 2000
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Never a Good Picture When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license. He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture." "The clerk looked at his picture closely. "It's okay," he reassured the man: "That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway."
Free Haircuts A priest went into a Washington, D.C. barbershop and got his hair cut. He then asked how much he owed the barber. "No charge, Father," the barber said. "I consider it a service to the Lord." When the barber arrived at his shop the next morning, he found a dozen small prayer booklets on the stoop along with a thank you note from the priest. A few days later, a police officer came in. "How much do I owe you?" the cop asked after his haircut. "No charge, officer," the barber answered. "I consider it a service to my community." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts on the stoop along with a thank you note from the police officer. A few days after that, a Senator walked in for a haircut. "How much do I owe you?" he asked afterward. "No charge," the barber replied. "I consider it a service to my country." The next morning when he arrived at the shop, the barber found a dozen Senators waiting on the stoop.
The 3 Kicks Law Johnny Cochran was duck hunting recently, when he attempted to cross a fence into a field to retrieve a duck he had shot. A farmer suddenly pulled up in his pickup truck, jumped out, and asked Cochran what he was doing on his property. "Retrieving this duck that I just shot", he replied. The farmer replied, "The duck is on my side of the fence, so now it's mine." Cochran then asked the farmer if he recognized who he was talking to. "No", replied the farmer, "I don't know, and I don't care." Does the name O.J. Simpson mean anything to you?" asked Cochran. "Yup" said the farmer, "I seen him on TV in that court case." "I am Johnny Cochran from Los Angeles", came the reply. "I am the lawyer that got O.J. Simpson off. I'm the reason he is a free man today. And if you don't let me get that duck, I will sue you on the basis of racial prejudice and take your farm, your truck, and everything else you own. I'll leave you penniless on the street." "Well," said the farmer, "We ain't in Los Angeles. Here in the country the law we go by is the 3 kicks law." "Never heard of it," said Cochran. The farmer said, "I get to kick you 3 times. Then if you get back up on your feet, and are able to kick me back 3 times, that duck is yours." Cochran, always looking for a challenge to show his superiority, thought this over. He grew up in a tough neighborhood and figured he could take on and easily out do this old farmer. "OK", said Cochran, "Fair enough." So right off the farmer kicked Johnny violently in the groin. As he doubled over, the farmer kicked him squarely in the face. Then when he hit the ground, he kicked him hard in the side, breaking a couple of ribs. After long minutes, and several failed attempts, Cochran slowly made it back to his feet. Through clenched teeth, he says "Alright, now it's my turn!" The farmer smiled and said, "Na, forget it. You can have the duck."
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