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Mothers Day Fun 2000
May 14, 2000

Here's to Mom! My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about." My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE WHAT I HAVE - "It's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick." My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other off, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!" My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you to the middle of next week!" My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why." My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." My mother taught me OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!" My mother taught me LOVE - "You know that whatever happens, I'll always stand behind you." THANKS, MOM! A Mother's Instructions A mother was giving instructions to her three children as she sent them into Sunday school, "And, why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Her son quickly responded, "Because people are sleeping!" Where's the baby? For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?" Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!" Count on Mom A small boy sat with his mother in church, listening to a sermon entitled, “What is a Christian?” The minister punctuated his talk at several key intervals by asking, “What is a Christian?” Each time, he pounded his fist on the pulpit for emphasis. At one point, the lad whispered to his mother, “Momma, do you know? Do you know what a Christian is?” “Yes, dear,” the mother replied, “now try to sit still and listen.” As the minister was wrapping up the sermon, once again he thundered, “What is a Christian?” and pounded especially hard on the pulpit. At that, the boy jumped up and cried, “Tell him, Momma, tell him!”