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YOU NEED A NEW CAR WHEN
May 30, 2000

- You pull over to let a fire truck go by, and it stops behind you.

- You have to go to a repair center every thousand miles to get the duct tape replaced.

- You accidentally drive into a junkyard, drive out, and get accused of stealing.

- The Blue Book lists your car under "Health Risk."

- The only thing holding your bumper on is the "Dukakis/Bentsen '88" sticker.

- You return to your car and find someone broke in and left a hundred dollars and a new stereo.

- Evel Kneivel refuses a free lift.

- The valet puts on a crash helmet and full-body armor before parking your car.

- The guys at the repair shop refer you to Dr. Kevorkian.

Where do you want to go today?

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