Jokes Archives - You Know It's a No-Frills Airline When...

YOU KNOW IT'S A "NO FRILLS" AIRLINE WHEN ...
February 24, 2000

...they don't sell tickets, they sell chances.
...all the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.
...before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.
...if you kiss the wing for luck before boarding, it kisses you back.
...you cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.
...before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.
...the Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.
...when they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.
...the Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.
...you ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he sez, "Just once."
...no movie. Don't need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes
...you see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane.
...all the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.

NERVOUS FLIGHT
A man is sitting in the coach section of a flight from New York to Chicago biting his finger nails and sweating profusely.
Noticing his disturbed expression, a flight attendant walks over and says, "Sir, can I get you something from the bar to calm you down?"
The man gives a nod of approval while shaking terribly. Seconds later she comes back with a drink. He downs it quickly and stops shaking.
Ten minutes later, the flight attendant sees the same man shaking and biting his nails. She brings him another drink which he swallows immediately.
A half hour later she returns to see that the man is shaking uncontrollably, and apparently crying.
"My goodness," the flight attendant says, "I've never seen someone so afraid to fly."
"I'm not afraid of flying," says the man.
"Then what's the matter?
Sobbing loudly he says,
"I'm trying to give up drinking."

Where do you want to go today?