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Humorous Olympic Questions
September 18, 2000

Here are some of the classic questions that were asked of the Sydney Olympic Committee via their Web site, and answers supplied where appropriate. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? Q: Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth - to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in Sydney. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, so you'll need to have started about a year ago to get there in time for this October... Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. Q: My client wants to take a steel pooper-scooper into Australia. Will you let her in? Q: Are there any ATMs in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? Q: Where can I learn underwater welding in Australia? Q: Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? A: Why bother? Use your fingers like the rest of us... Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? A: No. Everybody stinks. Q: Do tents exist in Australia? A: Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples' garages, and most national parks... Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? A: Yes. At Christmas. Q: Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef? Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. A: There are no rattlesnakes in Australia. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? A: Face North and you should be about right. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? A: Some people have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Australia. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.