A Lighter Look at Pastors
June 24, 2000
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And to the earth you return A newly appointed young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a graveside committal service at a small country cemetery in Iowa. There was to be no funeral, just the committal, because sadly, the deceased had no family or friends left in Iowa. The young pastor started early to the cemetery, but lost his way on the long back roads. After backtracking many miles, he finally arrived, a half-hour late. The hearse was no where in sight, and the workmen were relaxing under a near-by tree, eating their lunch. The pastor went to the open grave and found that the vault lid was already in place. He took out his book and read the service. As he returned to his car, one of the workmen paused between bites and said, "Maybe we should have told him that's a septic tank."
His "Best Ever" It was Sunday Morning and the pastor had launched into one of his "Best Ever" messages. He was about half done, and just getting to the good part, when a member of his congregation died. Rushing to his office, he dialed 911. When the ambulance arrived, the paramedics carried out 51 people before they finally got the right one!
I Want to Tithe "I want to tithe," a man told his pastor, "I want to give 10 percent of my income to my church. When my income was $50 a week, I gave $5 to the church every week. When I was successful in business and my weekly income rose to $500 a week, I gave $50 to my church every week. But now my income has gone to $5,000 a week, and I just can't bring myself to give $500 to the church every week." The pastor said, "Why don't we pray over this?" The pastor began to pray, "Dear God, please make this man's weekly income $500 a week so that he can tithe..."
Bats! Three pastors were having lunch in a diner. One said, "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to scare them away." Another said "Yeah, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and attic. I've even had the place fumigated and they won't go away." The third said, "I baptized all mine and made them members of the church...Haven't seen one back since."
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