Politically correct statements
October 13, 2000
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Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive." Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps." You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time." You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome." No one's tall anymore. He's "vertically enhanced." You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective." You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal." It's not called gossip anymore. It's "the speedy transmission of near-factual information." AND FOR STUDENTS... The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged." No one fails a class anymore, he's merely "passing impaired." You don't have detention, you're just one of the "exit delayed." These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined." Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive." Your homework isn't missing, its just having an "out-of-notebook experience." You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness." You don't have smelly gym socks, you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear." You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations." You're not being sent to the principal's office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building."
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