Jokes Archives - Real Resume Statements

REAL RESUME STATEMENTS

The following lines were taken from real resumes and cover letters and were excerpted from the July 21, 1997, issue of Fortune.
1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
2. Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
3. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
4. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
5. Its best for employers that I not work with people.
6. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.
7. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
8. I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
9. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.
10. I am loyal to my employer at all costs ... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.
11. As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.
12. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
13. Note: Please dont miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.
14. Marital status: often. Children: various.
15. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.

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