Saturday Potpourri 'o Jokes
April 8, 2000
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LOOSEN UP At an outdoor press conference, Al Gore was addressing harsh criticism of being "lifeless as a statue." "That is absurd," Gore stoically stated. "When elected, the people of America will see just how passionate and alive I truly am." Embarrassed for her husband, Tipper, leaned in to whisper, "Honey, you have a pigeon on your head."
TOP TEN THINGS THAT MEN UNDERSTAND ABOUT WOMEN 1. Just smile and pass it on!
Genie in a Bottle A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, "Nope...due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So......what'll it be?" The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other." The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish." The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, warm and affectionate, has a good income, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time and is faithful. That's what I wish for.....a good mate." The genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that map again."
Who's the boss... The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local card and novelty shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said.... "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"
Any Others?.... Little Benny came home from his first day of school and said, "Mommy, the teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers and sisters who will be coming to my school." "That's nice of her to take such an interest in your family, Dear. What did she say when you told her that you are the only child?" She just said, "Thank goodness!"
Will Work for Food... A hobo came up to the front door of the neat looking farmhouse and knocked gently on the door. When the owner answered, the hobo asked, "Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good meal in several days." The owner said, "I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I never give anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch, I will give you a good meal." So the hobo went around back and a little later he again knocked on the door. The owner said, "Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in." The hobo said, "Thank you very much, sir. But there is something that I think you should know. It's not a Porch, it's a BMW."
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