Sunday Funnies 4 You
February 10, 2002
|
A True Southerner Knows... ** Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption. ** Nobody but a true Southerner knows how many fish make up a mess. ** A true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of cattywumpus. ** A true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is ** as in "Going to town, be back directly." ** Even true Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table. ** All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. ** True Southerners know instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold tater salad. (If the trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add some hot biscuits and nanner puddin.') ** True Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "pert' near" and "a right far piece." ** True Southerners both know and understand the differences between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' White trash. ** No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. ** True Southerners know that "fixin" can be used as a noun, verb and adverb.
Setting the Table A certain man had invited the pastor and his wife for dinner, and it was little Joey's job to set the table. But when it came time to eat, Joey's mother said with surprise, "Why didn't you give Mrs. Brown a knife and fork dear?" "I didn't think I needed to," as everyone listened as Joey explained, "I heard Daddy say she eats like a horse."
Three Psychiatrists While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk. "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears," one says, "but we have no one to go to with our own problems." "Since we're all professionals," another suggests, "why don't we hear each other out right now?" They agreed this is a good idea. The first psychiatrist confesses, "I'm a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I usually overbill my patients as often as I can." The second admits, "I have a drug problem that's out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me." The third psychiatrist says, "I know it's wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't keep a secret."
|
