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Sundays Picks
April 16, 2000

"One Sunday morning, Pastor Mike noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The plaque was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning Alex." " Good morning Pastor Mike," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor Mike, what is this?" Alex asked. "Well , son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service." Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Alex's voice was barely audible when he asked. "Which service, the 9:00 or the 11:00?" Preachin' on Sin Two elderly, excited Southern women were sitting together in the front pew of church listening to a fiery preacher. When this preacher condemned the sin of stealing, these two ladies cried out at the tops of their lungs, "AMEN, BROTHER!" When the preacher condemned the sin of lust, they yelled again, "PREACH IT, REVEREND!" And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying, they jumped to their feet and screamed, "RIGHT ON, BROTHER! TELL IT LIKE IT IS...AMEN!" But when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got very quiet, and one turned to the other and said, "He's quit preaching and now he's meddlin'." A CHURCH'S DICTIONARY (Author Unknown) AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN: 1. Church information, read only during the sermon. CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync. HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range. INCENSE: Holy Smoke! JONAH: The original "Jaws" story. JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own. MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower. MANGER: 1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph didn't have private health coverage. 2. The Biblical proof that holiday travel has always been rough. PEW: A medieval torture device still found in most Churches. USHERS: The only people in the parish who "don't" know the seating capacity of a pew!!