Sunday Funnies 5
November 5, 2000
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CLAWS FOR ALARM After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license. The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come done to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day." The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water. The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water." The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"
Memories Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down." The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!" The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory's just as good as it's always been, knock on wood." She raps the table. With a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"
Another Top 10 TOP TEN SIGNS YOU MAY NOT BE READING YOUR BIBLE ENOUGH 10) The Preacher announces the sermon is from Galatians ... and you check the table of contents. 9) You think Abraham, Isaac & Jacob may have had a few hit songs during the 60's. 8) You open to the Gospel of Luke and a WWII Savings Bond falls out. 7) Your favorite Old Testament patriarch is Hercules. 6) A small family of woodchucks has taken up residence in Psalms. 5) You become frustrated because Charlton Heston isn't listed in either the concordance or the table of contents. 4) Catching the kids reading the Song of Solomon, you demand: "Who gave you this stuff?" 3) You think the minor prophets worked in the quarries. 2) You keep falling for it every time when pastor tells you to turn to First Condominiums. And the No. 1 sign you may not be reading your Bible enough: 1) The kids keep asking too many questions about your usual bedtime story: "Jonah the Shepherd Boy and His Ark of Many Colors"
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