Telemarketer Fun
March 8, 2002
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Fun Things To Do To Telemarketers: Turn on the TV. Change the channel to one that only gets static. Turn the volume up really loud. Say that you can't hear them over the static. Make up your own language. Speak it. Say, "This phone line is for emergency use only. Do you have an emergency?" Order a large pepperoni pizza, some garlic bread, and a meatball sub. Dial the phone and say, "Hey! I lent you 50 bucks. You better pay up or else I'm gonna come over there and hurt you! " Repeatedly dial the phone. Mutter that it isn't ringing. Ask him/her if he/she would like a magazine or newspaper subscription. Communicate only through Morse code. Try to sell the telemarketer something. Ask him/her if he/she can smell bacon. Insist that there is a strong scent of bacon over the phone. Pretend to be an escaped mental patient. Mutter things like, "They'll never catch me again," "No! Not the jacket! No, no, no!" After saying one of these mutter incoherently. Make him/her dance for a sale. Claim that you won't buy because you couldn't see him/her dance. Make him/her sing to get a sale. Pretend to be really interested. Then say, "No." Engage him/her in an "intellectual" conversation on an extremely boring subject. Say nothing until he/she hangs up. Say, "I told you. I don't know where your dog is!" Then hang up. After he/she hangs up, use *69 or Caller ID to get the phone number. Call the telemarketer. Ask the telemarketer for his/her home phone number. Claim that you need some time to think, and that you'll get back to them.
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