The Chicken and the Road
August 4, 2000
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Celebrity answers to: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? Many thanks to Peggy R. for this one!... PAT BUCHANAN-- To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American. JERRY FALWELL-- Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens, until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side". That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that. DR. SEUSS-- Did the chicken cross the road? ERNEST HEMMINGWAY-- To die. In the rain. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.-- I envision a world where ALL chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. GRANDPA-- In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. ARISTOTLE-- It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. KARL MARX-- It was historical inevitability. SADDAM HUSSEIN-- This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK-- To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. FOX MULDER-- You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it? FREUD-- The fact that you are at all concerned about the chicken crossing the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. BILL GATES-- I have just released "eChicken 99," which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook -- and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of "eChicken." EINSTEIN-- Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken? BILL CLINTON-- I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please? GEORGE W. BUSH-- I don't think I should have to answer that question. LOUIS FARRAKHAN-- The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down. COLONEL SANDERS-- I missed one?
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