Top Ten Ways to Resolve the 2000 Election
December 6, 2000
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#10: Gore is president on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, Bush on Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays and alternate Sundays. Bush gets the presidency for two weeks during the summer; Gore gets all major holidays #9: Laura Bush and Tipper Gore mud wrestle for Presidency live on pay per view. #8: Get Martin Sheen to play the president, and outside of the improvement, most people won't notice the difference. #7: Bush & Gore sue each other in Federal Court. Winner gets the presidency; Winner's lawyer gets Oregon, Indiana and one of the Carolinas. #6: One round of paper-scissors-rock, no flinches, no do-overs.. #5: Person chosen to co-host with Regis Philbin also to be president. #4: Run the election again on Thursday and Saturday (best two out of three wins). #3: Two Words: swimsuit competition. #2 Al Gore and George W. Bush ride Disney's Magic Mountain continuously until one of them falls off. If both fall off simultaneously, Ralph Nader is named the winner, and gets to declare Disney ride unsafe at any speed. #1. Just let Bill Clinton keep on being President. You know he wants to.
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