Trouble Times Three
February 15, 2001
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It's not so bad... A group of Florida senior citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments: "My arms are so weak I can hardly hold this cup of coffee," said one. "Yes, I know.? My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another. "I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement. "My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," another went on. "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he shook his head. Then there was a short moment of silence...... "Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully - "Thank God we can all still drive."
Just Plane Awful The world's first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew. The plane taxied to the loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the steps came out automatically. The passengers boarded the plane and took their seats. The steps retreated automatically, the doors closed, and the airplane taxied toward the runway. "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen," a voice intoned. "Welcome to the debut of the world's first fully computerized airliner. Everything on this aircraft is run electronically. Just sit back and relax. Nothing can go wrong ... Nothing can go wrong...nothing can go wrong...."
TOP 9 SIGNS YOUR AMISH TEEN IS IN TROUBLE 1. Sometimes stays in bed until after 5 a.m. 2. Shows up at barn raisings in full "KISS" makeup. 3. When you criticize him, he yells, "In your beard." 4. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy." 5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap." 6. You come upon his secret stash of colored socks. 7. Uses slang expression, "Talk to the hand, 'cause the beard ain't listening." 8. Was recently pulled over for driving under the influence of cottage cheese. 9. He's wearing his big black hat backwards
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