YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF
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The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night. Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People." You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!" You've got more than one brother named "Darryl." You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. Your wife's hairdo was recently ruined by a ceiling fan. You go to your family reunion looking for a date. Your Senior Prom had a daycare. You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are,"Gentlemen, start your engines!" You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels. You take a six-pack cooler to church. You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it. One or more of your kids was born on a pool table. Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your frontyard. You can't get married to your girlfriend 'cause there's a law against it. Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos." Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
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