COMPUTER VIRUSES
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Computer Virus' Going Around: (NOT) Titanic virus - Makes your whole computer go down. Disney virus - Everything in the computer goes Goofy. Mike Tyson virus - Quits after one byte. Tim Allen virus - Appears helpful, only to later destroy your hard drive. Saddam Hussein virus - Won't let you into any of your programs. Tonya Harding virus - Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons. X-files virus - All your Icons start shape-shifting. Spice Girl virus - Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop. Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus - Searches for old files and deletes them. Martha Stewart virus - Takes all your files, sorts them by category, and folds them into cute little doilies to be displayed on your desktop. Oprah Winfrey virus - Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB. Arnold Schwarzenegger virus - Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. AT&T virus - Every three minutes it tells you what great service you're getting. MCI virus - Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus. More on... COMPUTER VIRUSES This virus warning is genuine. There is a new virus going around, called "work." If you receive any sort of "work" at all, whether via email, internet or simply handed to you by a colleague...DO NOT OPEN IT. This has been circulating around our building for months and those who have been tempted to open "work" or even look at "work" have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly. If you do encounter "work" via email or are faced with any "work" at all, then to purge the virus, send an email to your boss with the words "I've had enough of this....I'm going home." The "work" should automatically be forgotten by your brain. If you receive "work" in paper-document form, simply lift the document and drag the "work" to your garbage can or shredder. Put on your hat and coat and skip to the nearest ice cream joint with two or three friends and order three extra large chocolate milk shakes (or any other flavor). After repeating this action 14 times, you will find that "work" will no longer be of any relevance to you and that "Scooby Doo" was the greatest cartoon ever. Send this page to everyone in your address book. If you do NOT have anyone in your address book, then I'm afraid the "work" virus has already corrupted your life.
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