Weekend Funnies 15
January 5, 2002
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Funny Definitions ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye. CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people. CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead. COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out. EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation. GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage. HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage. INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper. MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better. RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn. SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time. TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction. TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today. YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed. WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines
Fish n Chips Anyone? The monastery out in Wessex was having a bit of a hard time with its cash flow, because of the dwindling number of monks available to help with all the work of the group. Brother Andrew and Brother Patrick suggested opening up a fish and chips stand down on the motorway, right next to the scenic vista area so popular with tourists. The venture was going well, and one day a tourist asked the monk on duty, "Are you the fish friar?" "No, sir," retorted the brother, "I’m the chip monk."
Zack and His Mule Zack and his mule were walking down the road when one of Zack's friends drove up and offered him a ride to town. Zack got into the truck while his mule ran along behind. The mule was right in back of them as they reached 55, and stayed with them as they sped up to 70. "I'm worried about your mule," said the driver. "His tongue's hanging out." "Which way?" asked Zack. "Left," his friend said. "Well, stay in this lane - he's about to pass."
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