Weekend Funnies 15
December 15, 2001
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Santa and the FAA Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and the FAA examiner arrived last week for the pre-Christmas flight check. In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order. He knew they would examine all his equipment and truly put Santa's flying skills to the test... The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolf's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for sled's enormous payload. Finally, they were ready for the check-ride. Santa got in and fastened his seatbelt and shoulder harness and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun. "What's that for?!?" asked Santa incredulously. The examiner winked and said, "I'm not supposed to tell you this ahead of time," as he leaned over to whisper in Santa's ear, "but you're gonna lose an engine on takeoff."
Half Empty or Half Full Alice's twin boys were exact opposites. Bill was an eternal optimist. No matter how dark the cloud, he always found a silver lining. Bob was a hopeless pessimist...always finding the negative no matter how good the situation. Alice asked a psychiatrist what to do about Christmas. The doctor told her to buy all the toys she could for Bob, the pessimist; and to get nothing for Bill. In fact, he told her to wrap up some manure for Bill. Christmas morning, Dave and Alice came downstairs and found the twins by the tree. She asked Bob what Santa had brought him. "A BB gun, but I'll probably hit someone in the eye and blind him. And a bicycle, but I'll probably get run over and be killed while riding it. And a computer, but I'll probably get carpal tunnel syndrome from too much typing. And an electric train, but I'll probably electrocute myself," said Bob. Realizing it wasn't going well, Alice asked Bill what he got. "I'm not sure!!" he replied excitedly. "I think I got a pony, but I haven't been able to find him yet."
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