Jokes Archives - Women's Language

THE SECRETS OF WOMEN'S LANGUAGE
October 6, 2001

Keywords and their meanings.
1. FINE
This is the word a woman uses at the end of any argument that she feels she is right about but needs to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
2. FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football/hockey or whatever game is going to last before you take out the trash, so she feels that it's an even trade.
3. NOTHING
This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".
4. GO AHEAD (c/w Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and eventually cause an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".
5. GO AHEAD (w/out raised eyebrows)
This means "I give up. Do what you want because I don't care." You will, however, get a Raised Eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing", and a "Five Minute" argument ending with "Fine".
6. LOUD SIGH
Not actually a word of course but often a verbal cue misunderstood by men. The "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you're an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing there having a "Five Minute" argument with you over "Nothing".
7. SOFT SIGH
One of the few sounds that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is not to move or breathe. Just stay clear.
8. OH
This word followed by any statement is trouble. E.G. - "Oh, let me get that",which actually means you are obviously incapable and incompetent and cannot possibly complete the task to her particular standard. Or "Oh, I already talked to the cable guy", which means she has inadvertently blown the cover on your secret extra outlets and black box. Worse yet is, "Oh, I talked to him about what you did last night.

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