Words of Wisdom
July 18, 2000
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It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal
the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. If you lend someone $20 and never see him again; it was probably worth it. If you haven't much education you must use your brain. Never mess up an apology with an excuse. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either! Don't squat with your spurs on. Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut. Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. A closed mouth gathers no foot. Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together. I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. Never miss a good chance to shut up. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving. Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of. Diplomacy is the art of saying "good doggie" while looking for a bigger stick. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
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