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Y'ALLBONICS
August 31, 2001

The Association of Southern Schools has decided to seek financial gain from Washington's endless taxpayer dollar pipeline designating Southern slang, or Y'ALLBONICS, as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. The Assn of So. Schools has provided the following excerpts from the Y'allbonics/English dictionary. HEIDI - (noun) -Greeting. HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: "Heidi, Hire yew?" BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow. Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck." JAWJUH - (noun) - The state north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck." BAMMER - (noun) - The state west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements." MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts." THANK - (verb) - Cognitive process. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare." BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare." IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage: "Them bammer boys shore are ignert!" RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago." ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck." FAR - (noun) - A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far." TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck, cuz they ain't no spar." SPAR - (noun) - Something extra. Usage: See above. TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I shore do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime." RETARD - (verb) - To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65." FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat. Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh." RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats." CHEER - (adverb) In this place. Usage: "Just set that bare rat cheer." FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed... must be from some farn country." DID - (adjective) - Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim." ARE - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas; oxygen. Usage: "He cain't breathe... gib'im some ARE!" BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence." JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction. Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?" HAZE - a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze ignert. He ain't thanked but aminnit'n 'is laf." SEED - (verb) - past tense of "to see." VIEW - contraction (verb) and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?" GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert." ROTE - (verb) - To compose words on paper.